Blah.....

Sooo...
'tis been a mighty while since I have posted to this damn thing, not that many may care. However, it has served as a useful outlet in the past, sorta like a diary I guess. Firstly, (as the title may suggest) I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained due to a multitude of reasons.

The short list reads as follows:
The death of a very close friend
I am planning a wedding
I just moved, BUT
I am house hunting
Working 55 hours a week at a rapidly yet inefficiently expanding small business
Catching a shitload of flak from a future bitcher in law as well her daughter for reasons that I have no control over

I dunno, I am really really down right now, at a time in which I should be very happy. I guess life sucks sometimes, but it sucks much worse when it feels like you have no one to turn to. I know I always have God to turn to, and I should fell comfort in that but it seems as even if that connection has been strained to the limit. (Add that to the upper end of the list)

A death is always tough, it especially hurts when you are just starting to understand the true nature of a person. It while it sucks no matter what the age, to lose someone when they themselves are just understanding that they are a unique and mature person is crushing. I had always considered Galen as sort of a little brother, but was realizing more and more that he was teaching me more things about life than I was him. It is funny how younger brothers have a way of doing that.

It was also difficult for me to look inward and find that I have neglected so many others that I should have an even closer relationship with. I realize that all the bullshit about "being busy" or "not having time" is just a fucked up way of saying I am lazy and desire to emotionally detached. While I still reject the cliches spouted at memorial services like "time is short" and "live every day as if it was your last" Galen's death has made me realize I am too out of touch just because I don't want to feel the pain that sometimes results from other people's decisions, illness or deaths. Basically, I have been hurting others, and myself because I am self-centered. (That is a hell of an oxymoron)

Wedding planning sucks. Sorry to all you future brides who have spent you entire life dreaming about "the day" but it S-U-C-K-S for this groom. The combined effects of constant conflicts with soon to be family as well as the strain of coordinating the visit and attendance of my own family are just way too much for an affair which I had always considered to be a simple day of celebration and recognition of a bond sealed with God's blessing and has placed a very bitter taste in my mouth. Kinda like coco powder mixed with chewed acorns. It sucks to say, but I just want the whole thing to be over, NOW.

And I am too tired to type any further (severe emotionally stress has always induced drowsiness for me) and I am going to end this on a whoa is me note. (Yeah, that shit is spelled wrong, I think)

Life sucks, sorry.